Comparison

I’ve always found myself getting uncomfortable when people – family, friends, or that one

neighbor that you barely talk to – ask me what I’m doing. A simple question, but with many

meanings. Most of the time, they are asking what you are doing career-wise or post-graduation.

But if I have to be honest, I don’t have an answer to that.

No, I don’t know what I’m doing in life or even after I graduate, I want to say. But whoever is

asking assumes you have an answer – one that must satisfy them. They already expect you to

have accomplished something because you are young and opportunities are easy to come by. But

when you don’t meet these expectations, it feels like you have failed.

Nobody says your 20s are supposed to be easy; they are times of change, self-discovery, and

exploration, which inevitably brings up feelings of losing yourself. I resonate the most with

Taylor Swift’s line in Nothing New, “how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?”

But then why does it feel like I should already have everything figured out? Why does it feel like

everyone already has? More often than not, I will find myself stalking profiles on social media,

more specifically, LinkedIn. I feel as though I am stuck in career purgatory, watching others

successfully rise, while I am stuck at the bottom wondering if I missed the first rung of the

ladder.

Standing at the bottom, I am filled with a lot of emotion and unsure what the next route is.

First comes bewilderment. How did everyone manage to get full-time jobs already?

Then I start to compare myself to someone as if they are my rival. Of course, it is because they

are more successful, more charismatic.

Next, I find myself internalizing this comparison, leading to insecurity. What are they doing right

that I’m not? Eventually this leads to resentment and envy.

I often find myself falling into a rabbit hole where I reconsider everything: my major, my minor,

even what I did in high school.

But I have to remind myself that there is no right or wrong way to “live life.”

I think about my dad. He’s spent most of his life figuring out what he wants to do. Even now, he

doesn’t know what he’s doing. But to me, he’s always been an inspiration.My dad has always been open to every single opportunity given. He’s lived in Australia,

Germany, traveled the African Sahara, and explored Indonesia — and his stories of his travels

have always fascinated me. He started studying business at KU, but he quickly realized that it

wasn’t for him. For his core requirement, he took a geology course called “The History of the

Earth.” This sparked an interest to explore science. He graduated with a degree in geology and

decided to move more than eight thousand miles away from his hometown to continue his

studies at the University of Sydney in Australia. There, he studied coral reefs, specifically The

Great Barrier Reefs. He spent the next couple years travelling the world and collecting souvenirs

from many different countries. His course of study was somewhat unconventional, taking the

risk to follow his passion instead of adhering to the standard. In the end, he would agree that he

has lived life to the fullest.

My dad has always given me the best advice. He is a Beatles fan, and he’s always quoted John

Lennon: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy with other plans.” Life is unpredictable,

and it is best to just go with the flow.

Nobody needs to know what you are doing. There is realistically no need to silently compete

with one another about the prestige of our internships or the extent of our resumes.

Usually when someone asks about your life, they are subconsciously comparing themselves to

you. Am I more successful than they are? What do I have to do to be better than them?

So next time someone asks me what I’m doing, I will take a moment to respond.

I am not saying “I have no idea.” There are so many different ways to respond to this question.

You could talk about a recent hobby you’ve picked up, a recent place you’ve been, etc. You

could tell them the truth, but you can be vague. They don’t need to know how much you make or

that you are secretly reconsidering your job or career path.

No, I am not figuring out my life — I am experiencing it.